I was early when I got to the theatre, so I sat down on one of those leather couches, and watched the girls. Girls with their legs crossed, girls with terrific legs, girls with lousy legs, girls that looked like swell legs, girls that looked like they’d be bitches if you knew them. It was really nice sightseeing, if you know what I mean. Finally, old Sally started coming up the stairs, and I started to walk down to meet her. She looked terrific. She really did. She had on this black coat and sort of a black beret. She hardly ever wore a hat, but that beret looked nice. The funny part is, I felt like marrying her the minute I saw her. I’m crazy. I didn’t even like her much, and yet all of a sudden I felt like I was in love with her and wanted to marry her. I swear to god I’m crazy. I admit it. We horsed around a bit in the cab on the way to the theatre. At first she didn't want to, because she had her lipstick on and all, but I was being seductive as hell and she didn’t have any alternative.

After I'd left the nuns I tried to imagine my parents working for charity. It was so goddam hard. i just couldnt seemt mum or dad asking people for money. Later on when I was walking to meet Sally I saw a family. There was this boy walking on the edge of the road where the cars had to swirve to miss him. But he was singing this song, 'when a body meet a body coming through the rye'. It made me feel much happier for some goddam strange reason. it really did. I went to the park later that day and watched a few tiny kids paying on the see saw. One of the sides was very unbalanced so I put my hand on his end of the see saw to even it up. I could tell they didnt want me around so I left.

The next morning, I called Sally Hayes and made a date with her for later that afternoon. I checked out of the hotel and left my bags in a locker at Grand Central Station. I worried about losing my money, I remembered how my my father used to get when I lost things. While I had time to think, I was remembering my mother and how she hasn’t felt too healthy since my brother Allie died. Thats another reason that I can't tell her I got chucked out of Pencey, she might have a heartattack or something, she really might. I couldnt put her throgh anything like that. I went to eat breakfast at a little sandwich bar, where I met two nuns who were moving to Manhattan to teach in a school. I stuck up a conversation with one of the nuns about Romeo and Juliet. I saw that one of them had a little basket and asked if they were taking contributions because I was willing to make one. she was lovely, she really was. and not in a phoney way either. you could tell she was genuine. at first she wouldnt take anything off me but I eventually got them to take 10 dollars off me. After they left I realised just how much I shouldn't have given them that money, I needed it for my date with Sally. Goddam money, It always ends up making you blue as hell.

There was a knock at the door. Old sunny, the prostitute, and Maurice, the pimpy looking elevator guy, was standing there. He wanted five bucks. He did all the talking. He said it was ten bucks a throw. I knew it was only five. My old heart was damn near beating out the room. I wished I was dressed at least. Then he gave me a shove with his crumby hand. I damn near fell over my can. They acted like they owned the place. Old Maurice sat down in the big chair and loosed his collar and all. Old Maurice unbuttoned his whole uniform coat. all he had on was this phoney shirt collar no shirt or anything. He had a big fat hairy stomach. He started threatening me. he really was. and i dont know why but i starte dto cry. i think it was because he was threatening me that muchand he did lokk really intimedating. He was pretty sharp in his crumby way. then suny picked up my wallet and took the five bucks. then they left. after they had i sorted myself and I stayed in the bathroom for about an hour, taking a bath. Then I got back in bed. feeling preety lousy.

I walked all the way back to the hotel. I wish I knew who stole my goddamn gloves at Pencey - not that I would have done anything about it. I'm yellow like that. The more I thought about it, the more depressed I got. The whole lobby was empty and smelt like fifty million dead cigars. I was feeling sort of lousy. Depressed and all. I almost wished I was dead.That's when I got in this big mess. The elevator guy asked me if i was iterested in having a good time. I asked him what he meant, h ment a prositute coming to my room. i dont know why but i said okay. I was feeling so depressed I didn’t even think.I went up to my room and put on a clean shirt. I was a little nervous. If you want to know the truth, I’m a virgin. I really am. I’ve had a few opportunities,. But I’ve never got round to it yet. I figured this was my big chance, in a way. When I opened the door to her I said, suave as hell, “How do you do.” She came in and chucked her coat on the bed right away. She seemed very nervous for a prostitute. Probably because she was young as hell. Around my age.In the end I backed out of sleeping with her. It didn’t feel right. I told her I’d just had an operation on my clavichord. I thanked her and all and gave her the 5 dollar bill. She told me that it costs ten and I said Maurice said it was 5 for a throw. She sort of just shrugged her shoulders. She was a bit of a spooky kid. As she went she said “So long, crumb bum.”

I walked all the way back to the hotel. Forty one gorgeous blocks. I put my hunting hat on. I coulda done with my gloves, cold as hell, but some sonuvabitch stole them at Pencey, I wish I knew who’d stolen them. I probly wouldn’t have done anything though even if I knew – im very yellow that way. Anyway I got in the elevator back up to my room. I didn’t feel much like sticking round that crappy lobby, I wall really depressed and all, I almost wish I was dead, I really did. The elevator guy asked me if I was interested in a good time. I didn’t know what he was talking about at first. He meant a goddam prostitute for the night. I couldn’t believe him, did I look like the sorta guy who was up for a good time right at that moment?He said it was 5 bucks a throw and 15 till noon. I said Ok, I don’t know why though, I was depressed as hell. I wasn’t even thinking. A bit later when id changed and all a young girl arrived, too young if you ask me. Her name was Sonny and she was about my age – my real age. I didn’t feel like sleeping with her, you would tell she as really scared. It made me feel sad as hell that somebody as young as her did this crappy thing for money, it really did upset me. So what I did was, I told her I was recovering from an operation on my “clavichord”. That killed me. So I gave her the 5 and asked her to leave, she said it was 10, but I didn’t give in. So she put her green dress back on and left.

I got in a cab and told him to go to Greenwich Village. The driver was called Horwitz. he was quite a talker so I ask him if he knew where the ducks go in winter. He didn’t know and started to get sore about it. boy, he was sore. Then started talking about the fish, but who gives a damn about the fish! I was talking about the ducks. He said that they just get stuck in a block of ice. He got really sore so I stopped the conversation before he crashed. i decied to go to earnys, this bar where D.B used to go. I got a seat and ordered a scotch and soda. I was surrounded by jerks. All of a sudden Lillian Simmons came up to me with this navy looking guy. She used to know my brother. She kept asking about D.B. she was phoney as hell. and then she asked if I wanted to join them but i said i was just leaving. I didnt want to leave but I wasnt going to sit with lillian and that Navy guy, people are always ruining things for you.

On my way back to the lobby I got Jane Gallagher on my mind again. I got quiet intimate with her, but not in a physical way, you don’t have to get too sexy to get to know a girl. one afternoon me and Jane got close to necking, we were playing checkers then this booze hound her mother has married to came out, he asked Jane a question but she didn’t answer.All of a sudden a tear fell on the board so I took her to the glider and started kissing her all over, her nose, ears, eyes, chin, anywhere! I thought that her could have tried to get wise with her, she said no though. Anyway that’s the closest we got to necking.It drove me crazy thinking about her and that damn Ed Banky’s car. Anyway I then remembered this night club where old Ernie plays a piano, my brother D.B. used to go there Hes so good hes sort of corny.

Holdens Sonnet

Allie wrote poems on his baseball mitt
I've read them all, every little bit
I will never forget the day he died
I will never forget how much I cried

Phoebee is my sister, I love her lots
I think of her when i drink my scotch
You would really love her, she is topnotch
When I think of her my stomachs in knots

When we were young Jane and I were best friends
We always played checkers on the weekends
She always kept her kings on the back row
But her step dad would come out and bellow

Thinking of them, it makes me depressed
I feel so lonely my life is a mess!

it was to late to get a cab so i headed for the train station luckly i only had to wait 10 minutes for the train. i just sat there minding my own buissness when we got to trenton and this women came down and sat right next to me. she was about 45 i guessed. but very good looking. women kill me. they really do. she noticed my pencey sticker on ma bag and she asked me if i knew her son. ernest morrow. i did. he was biggest basterd in the whole of pencey prep history. whenever he was walking down the corridor and he had just had a shower whole slap your ass with his sogy wet towl. thats the kinda guy he was. she asled me my name and i told her it was rudolf schmidt. i dont know why i did it. i just felt like shooting the crap for bit thats all. then she started talking about her little ernest. then i really started shooting the crap. saying what a modest down to earth guy ernest was. but then she became very nice and caring and started to regret ever giving her a faulse name. then she realised that christmas break didnt start unitil wednesday. so she asked me why was i leaving early and that she hoped there wasnt an illness in the family. and you could tell she really meant. you really could. i told her everything was fine and that it was me. i just had to have an operation because i had this tiny tumor on the brain. she gasped in horror like she was really concernd. and she really was, you could tell. after that we didnt talk, though we didnt talk very much.

i went into Ackleys room to see what he was up to and all. he didn't to noticed what happened at first, it was dark then he sat up and switched the light on.

"what the hell happened to you?!" he meant the because of the blood and all.

"nothing i just got into a bit of a fight with Stradlater." he started to get excited then asking why and how. so i started shooting the crap. i told him that it was because of him and i was defending his goddamn honor and all. that really got him going. in end i asked if i could stay in his room. while his roommate was away for the weekend. he said it wasn't up to him and that he couldn't just let anybody stay in his bed. so just made him feel guilty and all saying after the way i just stuck up for him. that soon changed his mind. so i got into bed and just as was about to fall asleep he started snoring like hell. so i got up and stated walking down the stairs. i was going to go pay Mal Bossard a visit. but then i changed my mind. i knew exactly what i was going to do, i was going to get the hell out of here. leave pencey a few days early. i was going to go for a short vacation in new york and get a room in a really inexpensive hotel. so that's what i decided to do. i went back to the room to pack a few things and all. old stradlater didn't even wake when i came back. it made me kinda sad packing because i had to pack the ice skates my mother had given me. they were the wrong kind of skates i wanted racing and these were hockey. but it made me sad anyway. it always does when someone gives me present. before i was ready to leave i counted my dough, i was pretty loaded because my grandmother had just sent me wad. she'd quite lavish and doest have all her marbles so she just sends me birthday money about four times a year. then i was stood ready to go with my bags and all and i took one last look down the corridor. i was sort of crying. i don't know why. i put on my red hunting hat and turned the peck to the back the way i liked it, then i shouted at the top of my goddamn voice "sleep tight, ya morons!" i bet i woke up every bastard on the floor, then i got the hell out.

Stradlater got back from his date with Jane. then he asked me where his goddamn composition i told him it was on his bed. then he turned round and said to me "what the hell is this?!"

"your goddamn composition" i said as cold as hell.

"i asked you to write it about a house or a room not a goddamn baseball mitt!"

that really ticked me off. he was so ungrateful. he was just stood there with his toothbrush in his mouth and this next bit i don't remember, i just jumped up ad with all my might i went to sock him as hard as i could right smack in the toothbrush so it would cut his throat open. only i missed, i didn't connect. all i did was hit him on the side of his head. it promberly hurt him a little but not as much as wanted. anyway the next thing i knew i was on the floor and he was sitting on my chest his face all red and all. that is he had his goddamn knees on my chest. he had hold of my wrists to so i couldn't sock him. i d have killed him.

"what the hells the matter with you?"he kept saying.

"get your lousy knees off my chest!"i was almost bawling i really was."go on, get offa me ya crumby basted." he wouldn't do it though. he kept holding onto my wrists and i kept calling him a sunvabitch and all for around 10 hours. i could Hardley remember what i said to him at all. just that he thought he could give the time to anyone and that he was moron. he hated it when you called him a moron.

"just shut up now Holden!just shut up up!" he said with his big red face and all.

"you don't even know if her first name is Jane or jean you goddamn moron!"

"now, shut up, Holden, am warning ya. shut up before i slam you one!"

"get ya stinkin moron knees of my chest!"

"if get off will ya shut up?!"

"yes!" i didn't shut up though i carried on telling him what a stupid sunvabitch of a moron he was. and that got him really mad. he told he wasn't going to warn me again so i carried on didn't get to finish my goddamn sentence, then he let one go at me. before i knew it i was on the floor again. i opened my eyes to find Stradlater stood over me. he just told me that i was asking for it and he warned me to shut up. he told me to go and wash my face and i told him to go and wash his own goddamn face he was a childish thing to do. but i was really mad. i figured that old Ackley would have heard every thing so i got up and went to his room. never went in his room usually because it always had a funny stink in it because he was so crumby in personal habits.

Dinner was always the same on Saturday night at pencey. steak. it was supposed to be a big deal because they gave you steak. but I'll bet the only reason they did that is because most of the guys parents came up on Sundays and when they asked their precious little boy what they had for dinner they would say 'steak'. it was nice though when we got out of the dinning room, there was about three inches of snow on the ground and it was still falling. it looked as pretty as hell. me, Ackley and a guy called Mal Brossard decided to go for a burger and see a lousy movie. but it took Ackley about 5 hours for him to get ready. while i was waiting i opened the window and packed a snowball with my hands. i didn't throw it at anything though. i started to throw it at a park across the street. but i changed my mind. the car looked so nice and white. then i started to throw it at a hydrant but that looked nice and white too. finally i didn't throw it at anything i just shut the window and packed the snowball even harder. i still had it with me when i went to get on the bus with Ackley and Brossard. the bus driver told me to throw it before i got on i said i wasn't going to chuck it at anyone, but he didn't believe me. no one ever believes you. we got back to pencey about 9 and i told Ackley that i had to write a composition for Stradlater and he had to clear the hell out. when he finally left i put on my red hunting hat, pajamas and bathrobe and started writing the composition. the thing is i couldn't think of a room or house to describe so i deiced to write about my brother allies baseball mitt. it was as descriptive as hell. it really was. what was so descriptive about it was that in green ink he had written poems all over it so he had something to read on the Field while no one was in bat. he's dead now. he got leukemia and died. you've had liked him. he was two years younger than me and about fifty times more intelligent. he wasn't just the most intelligent in our family he was the nicest to. he never got mad at anybody, which is strange because people with red hair are supposed to be frustrated easily but Allie never did. i was only thirteen, and they were going to have me psychoanalyzed and all because i broke all the windows in the garage with my fist for the hell of it. i don't blame them. i really don't.

1. 
   i didn't have anything to do so i went down to the can with stradlater while he was shaving. i said that Ackley was a slob and had bad habits like not brushing his teeth? well so was stradlater, but in a different way. he was more of a secret slob. he always looked good. but for intense you should have seen the razor he was using. it was all rusty and full of hairs and crap. he always looked good though when he fixed himself up. but the reason he fixed himself up like he did because he was madly in love with himself. he thought he was the most handsomest guy in the western hemisphere. and he was pretty good looking-I'll admit. "who's ya date?" i asked him. "that Phyllis babe?"
   "no it was supposed to be, but the arrangements changed. she knows you?"
   "who does"
   "my date."
   "yeah" i was pretty interested "who is she?"
   "jean Gallagher"
   i nearly dropped dead"Jane Gallagher." damn right i knew her. she used to live practically next door to me. i was really excited about her. i really was. her mother and father was divorced and her mother was married again to some booze hound. Jane said he was a play writer but all i ever seen him do was booze and run around the house naked. even with Jane around. after stardlater left, i just sat there in my chair for about half an hour doing nothing, just thinking about Jane, and stradlater having a date with her and all. it made me so nervous i nearly went crazy. i already told you what a sexy bastard stradlater was.

I'm the most terrific liar you ever saw in your life. It's awful. Say I'm on my way to the store to buy a magazine and someone asks where I'm going I'll say I'm going to the opera. it's terrible. so when i told old Spencer i had to go to the gym to get my equitment it was a complete lie. i didn't even keep my equipment in the gym. at pencey i live in the ossenburger memorial wing of the new dorms. it was only for juniors and seniors, I'm and junior and my roommate stadlater is a senior. the dorm was named after this guy who used to go to pencey and made a load of cash. he came in to talk to us once. he told about fifty corny jokes just to show us he was regular guy and all. very big deal. very big phony. then he started telling us ho we should always pray to god -talk to him and all. he said we should think of Jesus as are friend and all. the best part of that speech was when Edgar Marsala, sat in the front row did this terrific fart! old onssenburger acted like he didn't hear it, but old thurmer did. you could tell. and the next day he lectured us saying whoever created the disturbance was fit to go to pencey.it was nice to get back to my room. i deiced to sit down and read this book i took out of the library by mistake. they gave me 'out of Africa' by Isak Dinesen. i thought it was going to stink but it was actually quite good. anyway i put on my new hat and started to read 'out of Africa'. then i heard someone coming through the shower curtains. without looking up i knew who it was. Robert ackley. Hadley anyone called him Robert. everyone called him ackley. he was one of these very tall, round-shouldered guys. the whole time he lived next door to me i never once seen him brush his teeth. it made you feel sick. he was also sort of a nasty guy. i wasn't to crazy about him.

the next chapter in my life:-

well, i am at old Spencer's house. it's really weird because even though they are married and all they each have their own rooms. an they both get a big bang out of little things.it's quite funny really. for example when me n some other guys went over there for hot chocolate he shown us this beat up old Navajo blanket he and Mrs.Spencer bought from some Indian in Yellowstone park. you could tell he got a big bang out of it, well when you are as old as Mr.Spencer you can see why he got a big bang out of buying a blanket. i knocked on his door and he told me to come in. i asked him how he was feeling. he then asked me how my chat with Dr.Thurmer went. so i told him what he said to me about life being a game and how you should play by the rules and all. then Spencer started. "life is a game boy and you should play by the rules" he went on. "yes, i know it is sir" i replied. game my ass, i thought. maybe it's a game if you get on right side of it where all the hot shots are but get on the other side if it and its far from a game! a games meant to be fun but get on the wrong side and its far from fun! then the lecture really started. he started asking me how many subjects i was failing in. i was failing them all except English. then he went on asking me if i even opened my textbook at all in his lesson. then he asked me to hand him my essay on the ancient Egyptians. it was a very dirty trick. and sure as hell he read it out loud to me. when he had finished i started to shoot the bull at him. you know tell him what he wanted to hear. finally i made my excuse, i said i had to go and pick up the fencing equipment from the gym. complete bull. we didn't even keep it in the gym. anyway i said it all the same and left. i think he shouted something after me. good luck i think. god i hope not. i hate it when someone yells good luck to you. it's terrible when you think about it.

the first chapter of my goddam life- well i would tell you about my parents and all but i dont really want to go into all that rubbish they would proberbly go mad if i told you anything to personal anyway there nice and all i'm not saying that there not. oh and if you really want to know i have a brother,D.B, but he is in hollywood making movies. He has got alot of money now. he didn't used to have, he used to write book of short stories called the secreat goldfish, my faveourite one was the secreat goldfish. Enough about that now, i want to tell you about the day i left pencey prep. you have proberbly heard of it, its this school in pennsylvanania. it is always advertised in these magazines. in a way i am glad i am leaving i hate it here! full of phoneys the lot of them! but in a way i dont want to say goodbye. i hate goodyes. but i thought i would go and say goodbye to old mr.spence, he's my history teacher. it was the day of the big game between pencey and saxon hall and everyone was there but i couldnt be botherd i just got back from new york. anyway, i ran, it was freezing and icy as hell. i eventually arrived at old spencers house and mrs.spencer answerd the door, i said hello to her and she took my coat. i asked her where mr.spencer was n she pointed me in the right direction.